why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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