I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!