I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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