After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"