If that was your dad, he is hot
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten