he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.