Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea