toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
