and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.