I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
