My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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