Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
