I didn't shave. On purpose
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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