I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
