He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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