So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
