The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
