Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no, he came in my armpit
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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