booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
