Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
