So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
