Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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