God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
