I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
