Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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