OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
