I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
