I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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