It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
