And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He felt like a one man threesome
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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