Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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