Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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