I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
