I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
