And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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