She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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