My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
