An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
