Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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