I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
