I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
