so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
