She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
should my penis look like a turkey
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
