I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
