You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
