new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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