I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
