just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
