please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
