you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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