My room smells like vodka and shame
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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