her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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