Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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