Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
