Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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