his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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