When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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