I puked a lego.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
