Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
