well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
