I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
