There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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