he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
