Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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