We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
