I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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