I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's the barista slut.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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