It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
