He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
