I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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