Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
