1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
