At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
