I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The best revenge is premature balding
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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